How to Stop Overthinking Everything and Find Mental Calm

Mar 25
6 min read

Updated: Mar 27

If you feel like your brain never turns off… you’re not alone.

You replay conversations.
You analyze every decision.
You wonder if you said the wrong thing, made the wrong choice, or missed something important.

And no matter how much you try to stop overthinking…you can’t.

Here’s the truth most advice misses:

Overthinking isn’t a problem with who you are as a person

It’s your brain trying to protect you.

Why You’re Overthinking Everything

Overthinking usually isn’t about the situation - it’s about what feels at stake emotionally.

Most of the women I work with aren’t just “thinking too much.” They’re trying to protect themselves from getting it wrong.

Because underneath the death spiral of overthinking or overanalyzing is this fear:

What if I made the wrong decision?

What if I hurt someone’s feelings?

What if I mess this up and can’t fix it?

And even deeper than that:

“What if I’m not okay if things go wrong?” or "What if I can't figure this out?"

That’s where overthinking really comes from.

A lack of trust in yourself that says:

“I need to figure this out perfectly”
“I need to prepare for every possible outcome”
“I can’t afford to make a mistake”

So your brain tries to solve it… by thinking more.

But that creates the loop:

more thinking → more anxiety → more thinking

And eventually? You feel completely paralyzed.

If you’re constantly replaying conversations or stuck in anxiety overthinking, you’re not alone.

The 3 Types of Overthinking (So You Know What You’re Dealing With)

1. Replaying the Past

You go over conversations again and again trying to find what you did wrong.

“Why did I say that? They probably think I’m weird.”

2. Obsessing About the Future

You try to predict every possible outcome so nothing can catch you off guard.

“What if this goes wrong? What if I regret this?”

I've had clients tell me a twenty different scenarios they have planned for to make sure everything goes right. Inevitably, the many things they planned for didn't even happen.

3. Overanalyzing Yourself

You constantly question your behavior, tone, and choices.

“Was I too much? Not enough? Did I come off in an uncaring way?”

We are so connected to how people interact with the world that we filter ourselves through perfection. You can fuck up a conversation, make a mistake, do they wrong thing and can, crazily enough, go back and repair it if you needed.

What most people forget...everyone else is paying attention to themselves, not you. But, that doesn't mean you didn't feel the impact of whatever happened.

What Most People Get Wrong About Overthinking

A lot of advice tells you to:

Just stop thinking
Distract yourself
Thought-stop when it starts
That there is one simple way to stop overthinking

But here’s the problem:

By the time you notice you’re overthinking… you’re already 5 thoughts deep.

You didn’t catch the first thought.

Or the second.

Or the third.

So trying to “stop” it at that point? It doesn’t work.

Instead of forcing it to stop, we need to understand how it starts and work with your brain, not against it.

How to Stop Overthinking (What Actually Works)

1. Slow It Down and Catch the First Thought

Overthinking isn’t one big thought. It’s a chain reaction.

When we break it down, it becomes manageable.

Instead of:

“I’m overthinking everything”

Start asking:

What was the very first thought that started this? It could have been "Omg look at how perfect this person is" or "She put on real clothes instead of leggings today".

We don't even recognize that we have thoughts that light the fuse of overthinking.

The first thoughts are usually the most important and the most distorted.

2. Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Body

Overthinking isn’t just mental. It’s physical.

Your body is activated, which is why your brain won’t shut off.

This is why grounding works so well.

Try:

Stepping outside and looking up above the horizon
- This upward eye movement helps your brain reocnnect
Slowing your movements
- This helps the body feel less rushed and panicked
Focusing on physical sensations
- You live in a body that signals stress all the time. We you notice it is just your body doing what a body naturally does, you have less to overthink about

You’re not trying to “solve” the thoughts; you’re helping your nervous system calm down so your brain doesn’t need to keep running at high speed.

3. Write It Out (So Your Brain Can Let It Go)

Your brain keeps thinking because it believes it needs to solve something.

Writing interrupts that loop.

Try:

Dump everything you’re thinking onto paper - uncensored.

This tells your brain:

“I don’t need to hold onto this anymore.”

4. Say It Out Loud Instead of Spiraling Alone

Overthinking grows in isolation.

When you say your thoughts out loud, something interesting happens:

you hear how extreme or unrealistic they sound
you stop the mental loop from speeding up

Even just saying:

“I think I’m spiraling right now” - can slow everything down.

5. Stop Trying to Be the Person Who ‘Doesn’t Overthink’

A lot of people unintentionally make this worse by thinking:

“Why am I like this?”
“No one else does this.”
“I need to fix this about myself.”

But overthinking isn’t your identity.

The more you identify with it, the more power it has.

Think of it this way. You brain loves snacks. When you overthink you are giving it the best candy. Your brain gets rewarded, so it keeps you in the endless loop of thoughts AND starts you make you restless, hyped up or antsy because you just gave it a crap-ton of sugar.

Instead, shift to:

“This is something my brain/body does when it’s trying to protect me.”

That small shift reduces shame—and gives you more control.

6. Build Self-Trust (This Is the Real Work)

This is the part no one talks about enough.

Overthinking isn’t really about the situation.

It’s about this belief:

“I don’t trust myself to handle what happens.”

So your brain tries to prepare for everything in advance.

But real relief comes when you start believing:

“Even if I make the wrong decision, I’ll handle it.”
“Even if I say the wrong thing, I can repair it.”
“Even if things go badly, I’ll be okay.”

That’s what actually quiets the spiral.

A Real Example (What This Looks Like in Practice)

I worked with a client who was convinced she was never going to find a partner.

Not because it was true, but because of how she was thinking.

She:

compared herself to women on social media
believed she didn’t measure up
assumed people would treat her the way they had in the past

So she overthought everything:

what to say
how to act
how to be “perfect” for someone
after was critical of every behavior, sentence she had

But the problem wasn’t her. A lot of this is connected to women’s confidence and self-trust, especially in relationships.

It was the narrative she was stuck in.

Once we:

broke down her thought patterns
challenged what was actually true
incorporated grounding and body-based work
helped her communicate her needs and expectations

Everything shifted.

Not overnight, but steadily.

She stopped trying to be perfect… and started trusting herself.

This is exactly the kind of work we do in 1:1 coaching.

The Missing Piece: Boundaries + Action

Most people think overthinking is solved in your head.

It’s not.

It’s solved through action.

Here’s what actually changes things:

Boundaries → pre-decided rules you can follow without overthinking
Decisions → build confidence and self-trust
Action → shows your brain the situation isn’t as dangerous as it thought

You don’t think your way out of overthinking. You act your way out of it.

A New Way to Think About Stopping Overthinking

Instead of asking:

“How do I stop overthinking?”

Try:

“How do I trust myself more?”

That’s where real change happens.

If This Is You…

If you’re constantly:

in your head
second-guessing yourself
mentally exhausted
And you’ve been trying to figure this out on your own…

At some point, it’s worth asking: What would it feel like if I didn’t have to do this alone?

This is exactly the work I do with my clients.

Not just “stop thinking", but helping you feel calmer, clearer, and confident in your decisions.

Book a consultation and let’s take this off your plate. You don’t have to keep trying to solve this by yourself.

FAQ

Why can’t I stop overthinking?

Because your brain is trying to protect you from making mistakes or feeling emotional discomfort. It’s not broken—it’s overactive.

Is overthinking anxiety?

Sometimes. It’s a mental strategy your brain uses to try to control uncertainty. Overthinking can also come into play when you have too much to do, overwhelmed and are stressed.

How do I calm racing thoughts at night?

Focus on grounding your body, not solving the thoughts. When your body relaxes, your mind follows. The 4, 7, 8 breathing technique is next level helpful.