Choosing a Life Coach Who is Actually Awesome

Jessica Miller
Jan 7
8 min read

Updated: Mar 16

Congratulations! You’re looking to find a women’s life coach. I’m already stoked for you. If you haven’t already, read my blog post about What Is Life Coaching? to help you understand if life coaching may be right for you.

If you’ve inched a little further into wanting to start getting additional support with life it might be helpful to know how to find the right life coach. Just like finding the right therapist, it could potentially be a process for you to find a coach.

There's a lot of crap info on social media and the internet that can be confusing

There's a lot of crap info on social media and the internet that can be confusing when you want to get some support from a coach, but you:

Don't know who to trust
Have no idea what qualities you want in your coach
Are confused about what to ask
Have already wasted money on unhelpful content

Here's all the different ways I think will help your search be more effective based on my professional and personal experience!

Identify What You Want Help With

I have two big recommendations for finding a life coach. The first being, what do you need help with, love? You do not need to know with 100% accuracy everything that you are wanting to work on, but you do need to know the overall theme of what is disruptive for you right now. My passion is helping women who are overwhelmed…sometimes they don’t know why they feel that way, sometimes they do, but it’s a place for us to start.

Below are some examples of reasons clients have come to me wanting support:

Overall overwhelm and not knowing where to start
Feeling like they don’t feel appreciated by a spouse, friend, co-worker
Self-help books are kind of effective but they want to grow as a person
They have a goal in mind but want help executing on it
They want to communicate differently
Self-care doesn’t work or they don’t know how to do it right
Each day is feeling like groundhogs day; it feels the same and they feel stuck
They are stressed out from juggling too many things
Emotions all blur into one and they want to figure out how to better navigate them
Learning how to set boundaries
Life as a 30 or 40 year old isn’t like it was in their 20s
Being a more effective parent
Confidence feels lower than it has in the past
They want to have someone listen and feel understood
They are sick of all the stuff they have to do for their kids
Dating seems to be producing the same kind of partner
They are struggling with liking their job or wanting a new one
They have a loss of some kind that they want help through
Being uneasy happens more than they want
Wanting more confidence in saying “no”.
There isn’t enough time in the day to get things done
Feeling the need to be perfect and “keep up with the Jonses”
They’re going through a divorce and want support
..etc!

Choosing a Life Coach Starts With

Asking Questions

You will more than likely have to sign up for a consultation call or discovery call. Consultation calls should be a two way street. Both life coach and potential client should be asking questions! Sometimes potential clients do not feel they have the right to interview their life coach. You should interview your life coach!

Have they worked with your particular needs before?

I am a life coach for women, so me taking on male clients would not fit. Another example would be that I don’t specialize in helping women with weight loss, so I would not be a good fit. If I tried to convince you I was the life coach for you, I wouldn’t be doing anyone any favors. Look for honesty in a life coach’s comfortability with what you are seeking help with. We cannot be masters in everything related to life, so find someone who is knowledgeable about your needs.

What is their training?

Not all life coaches are created equal. Sometimes people have been told they give good advice and that then would make them a life coach. Look for if their training involves learning how to communicate, empathize, and relate directly to others. Did they take one course? Did they get certified? Certification is preferred over a single course. Unfortunately, a bachelor’s in psychology probably didn’t teach them enough to work one-on-one with a client.

I’m not saying zero training means someone is a bad life coach, but being trained how to relate to clients is very different from how we relate to people in our personal lives.

An example being I don’t bust out journal prompt ideas when my friends need to work on themselves. Instead we have a gabfest about how frustrating it can be having to work on ourselves over dinner. As a life coach, I support your feelings surrounding working on yourself, bust out some tools you might like, and talk about a plan on how to tackle it.

Ask their approach?

Some people are promising they have a single proven solution to solve your problem. They more than likely do not. Research shows that there is not one evidence (researched) based approach that is better than others in getting clients results (3). This is purely personal opinion, but it takes a bunch of different approaches to help someone navigate something that is disruptive to them.

How do they approach the beginning, middle, and end of coaching with a client? It should be different.
Do they only use one model, like looking at a cycle of thoughts? Or multiple?
Do they blend different perspectives or stick to one? This can range from their personal belief systems (religious, political, social, etc) to
Do you only talk during sessions? Or do you get tools or education or engage in an activity? Which would you prefer?
Will the coach adapt to your needs? They should adjust accordingly. If I have a client who hates journaling, they will hate ‘doing the work’.
Are sessions strictly structured?
Do you want your life coach to challenge you?
Do they assign homework?
Are they only giving advice? I want clients to come to their own solutions of what work for them, not what works for me.

What are sessions like?

It’s always helpful to know what to expect.

Will sessions be in person or online?
How long will each session be?
How much does each session cost?
Are session bought in bulk or single sessions?
Will their schedule match yours?
Do they check in with you about how you feel sessions are going? Life coaches cannot read minds, so you might want to know if they are asking what is and is not working in sessions.Keep in mind life coaching is about you and what you need; not the other way around.

What are their costs?

Choosing a life coach sometimes comes down to cost. Costs can be per session, a course cost, a package of sessions, etc. Know that there are coaches who will have you purchase non-refundable packages. Be aware of that before you commit. If at all possible, it may be worth having a few one-on-one sessions before committing to a package purchase if it is a larger sum of money.

What about confidentiality?

Those in the mental health and medical fields are bound by confidentiality. Meaning what you tell your mental health professional (and their staff) should remain private and not told to other people. Life coaches do not have any legal obligation to protect your info. If this is important to you, ask during your consultation call if they honor confidentiality.

Does it matter how long they’ve been practicing?

Interestingly enough, the length of time someone has been a life coach (or therapist) does not mean that they will be better at getting the results you want or that they are a better life coach because they have been doing it longer.

Research shows that those in the mental health space become less effective in delivering desired results of their clients over time (1). Helping professionals get more confident over time, so they overestimate how effective they are. What does this mean? I know I may not want to have someone helping me who just started being a life coach two days ago. The answer lies in if you like them! One of the most significant components of working with a life coach is rapport (2). Rapport meaning do I feel like they can help me? Do I feel like they have my best interest at heart? Do I feel that they are competent to help me?

Is there a connection?

The second recommendation for choosing a life coach I have is to think about if you like the life coach you had a consultation with. If you don’t like the person you talked with you 1000% do NOT need to work with them. Research from psychology shows that the relationship between a therapist (or life coach) is the biggest indicator of reaching your goals (3). If we have a life coach we genuinely look forward to talking with you’re going to see changes for the better.

Questions to reflect on? (This is purely preference based)

Did it feels like a sales call or were they pushy? If you like directness, great. If it felt like they just wanted a sale…something to think about.
Were they able to answer you questions? These calls typically are quick, but they should be able to provide reasonable answers to your questions. Now, they won’t be able to solve your problem right then and there, so keep expectations realistic.
Did you feel like they heard what you are needing help with? There is empathy and understanding, and then there is “I work with clients like that” or “I’ve experienced that too.”
Do they sound like they know what they’re talking about?
Do they have social media you can look at?
Does their social media/website, etc. match what you’re hearing when you spoke to them? Meaning do they actually know the information they are posting about or are they just posting a lot of cool/exciting/informative stuff. I would love to post about quantum physics, but I would never be able to have an informed conversation with someone about it.

Is it a good fit?

A life coach should be using their time with you to see if your working together would be appropriate. They might say that you aren’t a good fit; know that that is okay. I am both a life coach and a psychotherapist, so there is a chance I might refer you to participate in therapy instead if I feel a therapist in your state could better serve what I’m hearing you say you need help with. I also wrote a blog about the differences between a life coach and a therapist.

The Takeaway:

I recommend doing your homework/research beforehand, set yourself up with questions that you have, and then have a consultation. There definitely are a lot of different factors to look at, but researching them and asking questions important to you will start you off in a better place. There is someone out there in the life coaching world that is there to match what you need.

If a coach is trying to sell you in a way that feels gross...it's not you...it's a red flag. Stop the call, have them remove your info and find a coach that makes you feel like they care more about helping you than the sale.

Don’t settle if you don’t feel the life coach/client relationship would work. Know that this process to weed out who you do not like and who you do like takes time. You may have multiple sessions and realize that you want something different and that’s okay.

Feel unsure about choosing a life coach?

If you are connecting with my website or what I wrote in this blog, I’d love to chat and see what you’ve been noodling on in wanting to improve your life! Feel free to schedule your consult here. I won’t be THE life coach for every woman out there, but I sure as shit am excited to help you if I am.

I don't blindly spout information. Here's where my knowledge is from!

1. Goldberg, S. B., Rousmaniere, T., Miller, S. D., Whipple, J., Nielsen, S. L., Hoyt, W. T., & Wampold, B. E. (2016). Do psychotherapists improve with time and experience? A longitudinal analysis of outcomes in a clinical setting. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 63(1), 1–11. https://doi.org/10.1037/cou0000131

2. Chow, Daryl & Miller, Scott & Seidel, Jason & Kane, Robert & Thornton, Jennifer & Andrews, William. (2015). The Role of Deliberate Practice in the Development of Highly Effective Psychotherapists. Psychotherapy (Chicago, Ill.). 52. 337-345. 10.1037/pst0000015.

3. Wampold, B. E., & Imel, Z. E. (2015). The great psychotherapy debate: The evidence for what makes psychotherapy work(2nd ed.). Routledge/Taylor & Francis Group.